nausea and soul gnawing

It's one of those years. My sea is changing. Either I let it happen to me, or I take control and steer it in the direction I want it to go. Because I've been through it a couple times before, I know that it's necessary and the result will be good and right. Meanwhile, I'm just sick to my stomach. All this contemplation -- questioning the past, analyzing the present, and trying to determine the best future -- eats away at the core of my being.

This is both the perfect venue and the wrong place to hash out the details. For now, it is an explanation for my inconsistency and weirdness. There are big decisions to be made, the details (and consequences) of which won't be shared here until after it's done.

Possibilities for the next entry:

• the sun and moon and stars
• music
• the deployment of organizational tactics
• sixteen paws
• my nieces' and nephews' race to adulthood
• declaration of success in getting the new computer up and running (TBD)
• board games and dinner guests
• furniture rearrangement sans feng shui
• anything but this

P.S. Ted, I love you.