the photoshop world we live in

The March 10th issue of Time Magazine has a brief article about the importance of youthful appearance in the job market. The web version of this article isn't quite the assault to my senses that the hard copy version is, because it's missing the graphic that goes along with it.

In it, a snappily dressed man stands on one side, and a smartly outfitted woman on the other. The center title says, "New Ways to Tap into The Fountain of Youth." Neither of these people look even remotely old (must be because they've tapped that fountain). The suggestions include the following:

For the man
* Tooth-lengthening
* Butt lift and implants
* Neck tuck
* Knee-tightening

For the woman
* Hair restoration
* Earlobe repair
* Stiletto surgery
* Extreme hand makeover

The ones that stand out for me are the stiletto surgery ("...heels remain part of the dress code at the office"), the hand makeover ("knobby, spotted hands say old lady"), and the knee-tightening ("skin and cellulite pool around the knees -- unsightly at the gym").

Ack!

This article is chock full of ideas for making yourself look younger. Not a single word refers to how any of these procedures will make you healthier, just more attractive. After all, it is entitled "How Not to Look Old on the Job." But here's the kicker. Despite its obvious and complete focus on appearances, the article is listed in the "Health" category.

ACK!

Then, I have the TV on to catch the weather forecast, when a bra commercial comes on. I'm actually just listening to the TV while going through morning routine, and at first, it sounds like a typical bra commercial. Soft, flowy music, and a sultry voice exhorting her beauty secrets. But then some words start to penetrate my subconsciousness. "...revolutionary concealing petals for complete modesty." This brings me back to the day when I worked at a women's clothing store, and we had a customer who wanted to know if we carried bras that would hide her n1pples*. I'm thinking that "concealing petals" have something to do with that (a quick TiVo rewind verifies it).

But then, another kicker: "Feel confident and look flawless in every moment." Um, excuse me? Having n1pples* is a flaw? Wow, are we as a gender in trouble. Wait. Men have n1pples* too. No, I know. I get it. Having n1pples* that dare show themselves is the flaw. Even though it's safe to assume that, for most women, they already have at least two layers of fabric over said rebellious areolae.

AAAACCCCKKKKKKK!

Can't... speak... any... more... choking... urrgghhh........

* Updated to change the correct spelling of the referenced body part because some people are finding their way to my blog by searching for things about which I am NOT talking.