sanguinary blue

my folks on my lapel

2011-12-22T23:33:00.001-05:00

It's Christmas time again.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love this season. It's in my blood. I was born to it (Dad was Santa). I was raised in it (Mom made every Christmas wonderful). I'm happily a lifelong citizen of its spirit.

The first Christmas season without Dad, I thought I was holding up pretty well. Like I've said, memories of him are almost universally good, and the joy I feel around Christmas is indefatigable. I went about my business of shopping and wrapping and listening to my supersized playlist of holiday music on loop with light and love in my heart. And then around midnight on Christmas eve, I started to cry. And I didn't stop for two hours.

This is my first Christmas without Dad and Mom. And although Mom's Alzheimer's had long since quelled her holiday zeal, she still reveled in the pretty lights and snow and, most of all, family gathering.

Years ago (actually, many decades ago), Mom crocheted Santa pins for everyone. Every member of the family had one. Then, friends received them. Soon, they were sold at St. Luke's to raise money for the church. Then, Mom set up a craft table wherever Dad was selling his wood carved birds, and she sold the Santa pins along with other knitted goodies. I suspect there are several hundred siblings to my pin roaming the Northeastern U.S. I've worn mine every day of the holiday season every year since I was a kid. At one point recently, I glanced down at it and realized that it is a perfect encapsulation of both of my parents at the holidays. And that makes me happy and truly grateful to have been blessed with such wonderful parents.

Merry Christmas.

my backwards grief

2011-11-10T23:59:00.000-05:00

Grief is a funny thing. Mom died two months ago, Dad two years and two months ago. In my day-to-day life, thoughts of them arise regularly. These memories range from the time immediately before their deaths to the farthest edge of my childhood horizons. Most times, my brain seems ever reasonable in its reaction. Almost Spock-like on the emotive scale. The same is true when Mom & Dad come up in conversation. I can easily talk about them -- about nearly every aspect of them -- without becoming sad. In fact, so many stories are happy that laughter isn't out of the question.

I've wondered if maybe my ability to grieve correctly is broken. I mean, Mom's only been gone a few weeks. Shouldn't sadness be the norm for me at this time? Why am I able to go about living my life with any modicum of cheer in my smile and sunshine in my heart? Am I doing it wrong?

My friend, Maria, is originally from Croatia. Even though she's lived in the U.S. for many years now, her family still follows Croatian custom closely. When her father died, it was expected that she would mourn for three years. Three years of wearing a black scarf. Three years of not attending any social events like weddings. Three years lamenting the loss.

My Mom had been gone three days, and I was back at my office. Three months will pass, and I'll have Christmas decorations adorning my home when I invite family and friends in for a holiday party. I can barely imagine how well I'll be three years from now.

Yet, I do have grief. And without fail, it catches me by surprise. It's when I'm just strolling along living my life, and an unexpected reminder pops up. Tonight, it was this note above - the message on the back of a photograph of my brother when he was an infant. Dad had written, "Little Gerry... He will hate us for this... ." Seeing Dad's handwriting pushed me off a cliff and into an ocean of grief. Even though what he wrote was funny! How does this make sense?

I always loved my father's handwriting. It was artistic, graceful, individual, carefree. It may as well have been a picture of his soul. I still have letters he wrote to me when I was in college and after I'd moved to Seattle. Some of them barely say anything at all. "Enclosed are photos of some of the latest bird carvings." "The grandkids are getting big." "We can't wait to see you at Christmas." But the elegant, sweeping script written with pen and ink was beautiful and unique. More importantly, he was beautiful and unique. And tonight, I miss him so painfully that I'm nearly drowning in tears.

Why this reaction? Why now? It's been more than two years? Shouldn't big sadness like this be reserved for Mom moments because she's so recently departed? Shouldn't Dad moments be more reserved reflections because I've had a couple more years to adjust to the idea that he's gone?

I don't get this grief thing.

stuck

2011-08-08T13:54:00.003-04:00

I was just going to post a picture (no words)... something I found on Google by searching images for "stuck." This one came up, and it made me realize that the best way to get unstuck involves other people helping. Gosh, that would be nice.

whoa

2011-07-14T23:20:00.003-04:00

It's been more than a year since I stopped blogging. Honestly, the only reason I'm here now is because I was setting up my links on Google+. Maybe I should start up again. Why not? That seems to be the pattern. Write, complain about not writing enough, threaten to dismantle blog, stop writing. Repeat. We'll see.

This picture is from our visit to the Chihuly exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. More of my inadequate photos can be seen here. Better photos are available on the MFA site here.

cirque du soleil

2010-05-12T23:16:00.004-04:00

On advice of a friend, I looked into the CDS show coming to Boston this summer. Having never seen a live show, I thought maybe it was time. Imagine my quite pleasant surprise when, having been forwarded an email from said friend, I was greeted by this lovely ladybug. From the tidbits of CDS shows I have seen on television, all involved were slender, lithe, athletic bodies contorting to everyone's delight and amazement. This ladybug is fabulous! Not slender, and fabulous! Even if there's padding involved, it appears to be for the purpose of enhancing this character, not making fun of it.

We're going to see OVO in August.

fall go boom

2010-04-19T21:04:00.003-04:00

I fell off the daily blog wagon. But hard. There are reasons. There are excuses. There is the freedom that I need not explain any of it to anyone. Suffice to say that things are changing in my life. And the daily blogging doesn't fit in the way I thought it might when I started in January. I may be back occasionally. sanguinary blue may go dark at some point. But I do not need to be obligated to an egomanical and desolate soap box anymore.

See you around. Maybe.

way behind

2010-03-30T23:44:00.006-04:00

A little illness, a bunch of work, some house guests, and other miscellaneous chores, and you'd think I was too busy to write in my blog. My prerogative, I guess.

It's raining. Again. And windy. Again. Payback for a significant decrease in snowfall this winter?

tonight's excuse

2010-03-25T23:57:00.001-04:00

It wasn't the sleeping cat anchoring me to the couch... it was me, sound asleep moments after Ted went to bed, and unmovable until just recently. Geesh.

trapped

2010-03-24T23:59:00.000-04:00

My cat wouldn't let me get off of the couch tonight. I was stuck; held hostage by ten pounds of blue tortoiseshell fluff. Anchored firmly between my feet, she curled into an adorable -- yet immovable -- ball. I was her captive. Not much accomplished, other than watching "Dreamgirls" and communing with my kitty.

happiness is...

2010-03-23T23:11:00.000-04:00

Four schmumfy kitties all sleeping within arm's reach. Three on desktop afghans, one on an afghan-topped hammock below. Truly, I am blessed.

Of course, actually getting a photograph of all four of them together proves too challenging for me. Maybe some day.

Art by Ann Mroczenski

shocked

2010-03-22T23:01:00.002-04:00

I don't see a lot of television commercials, thanks to TiVo. But I was home sick today and sleeping/draining on the couch all day long, when I came across this commercial. I've watched it 4-5 times now, and I laugh as hard every single time.

Now to bed to rid myself of the rest of this bug.

boo hoo

2010-03-21T16:07:00.003-04:00

Ever have that feeling when you're sick when you just want to cry? Not for pain or discomfort. Not for frustration. Not because it'll help clear out the phlegm. Just to cry, for the sake of crying. I'm there. I've only been sick since Thursday night. It's not as bad as it was last time. But here I am -- just wanting to cry. Doesn't help that my right eye has been tearing for the last couple hours. I thought I'd paid my illness dues this year. Blah.

bed

2010-03-20T23:05:00.001-04:00

Because I'm sick again, dammit. And we have guests in town -- staying in our guest room. And I have already used all of my sick time at work this year, so I'd better recover from this by the end of the day Sunday. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

erin go huh?

2010-03-17T23:36:00.003-04:00

One might assume that, with a name like Kelly, I would be partying it up today. Well, I wore green to work. A short-sleeve, 5-button henley under a long-sleeve crew-neck sweater, and a purple skirt with small flowers and leaves to complement the top half of the ensemble. I helped my department write a limerick for the contest (we didn't win). I had Irish Stew for lunch. I missed my Dad (he often called himself The World's Largest Leprechaun). No beer, green or otherwise. No bacchanalia. No kooky hat. Guess I'm just no fun.

Some Irish wisdom from a friend:

May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

Some old Irish wisdom I heard years ago (source unknown):

May you be in Heaven half an hour
Before the devil knows you're dead.

hakuna matata

2010-03-17T00:23:00.001-04:00

My friends, Rina and Alia, took me to see "The Lion King" tonight at the Boston Opera House. It was a birthday gift. What a wonderful show. Beautiful costumes. Amazing puppetry. Great music, of course. A stunning venue. And the chance to spend an enjoyable evening with two lovely friends.

dear alex lambert

2010-03-15T23:59:00.002-04:00

Dear Alex,

You are young. And yes, your lack of on-stage experience highlighted your nervousness while performing on TV for millions and millions of people. For the inexplicable and often illogical voting audience, that shaky inexperience did not endear you.

Pity. Because you have a unique and wonderful voice, and a talent that is undeniable even under the burden of stage fright. Please don't allow last week's vote to alter your musical career path. We need musicians like you. If you don't come back to AI next year, then please keep pursuing the path through other means. I look forward to someday having in my music library the musical stylings of Alex Lambert.

Sincerely,
Kelly

P.S. Your talent is spot-on, but that hairstyle must go. Either grow it all long or cut it all off. The half-and-half baby mullet ain't workin'. :-)

cheating

2010-03-14T23:29:00.002-04:00

I admit it. There are a couple entries in the 2010 sanguinary blue that were not written on the day they were posted. I've 'fessed up. What's my punishment? Shall I write a phrase repeatedly on the blackboard?

I will not cheat on my blog again.

I will not cheat on my blog again.

I will not cheat on my blog again.

I will not cheat on my blog again.

I will not cheat on my blog again.

Yah, right.

mr. cuervo is mean

2010-03-13T23:19:00.004-05:00

Well, in his defense, it wasn't actually Jose. And it wasn't single-handed. You see, I had a slumber party with my long-time friend, Rina, last night. Her husband was at a conference and her daughter was at her own slumber party, and Rina invited me over for dinner, margaritas, and Wii. Ted would be in bed before 8:00pm anyway, and with my plans in place, even he went out for early drinks with a friend before hitting the hay.

I re-discovered a couple of things in the process. [1] The reason I don't eat nachos any more (more than a few corn chips wreak havoc on my digestive system). [2] Rina makes crazily strong margaritas. The kind that make me breathe fire after each sip. [3] The combination of the above two items nearly incite me to a life-long diet of oatmeal and prune juice.

We had fun. Don't get me wrong. And playing 1981-style Galaga while slightly buzzed is far more exciting than it should be. We chatted lots and just hung out. It was great. But next time, I'm in charge of the food. And corn chips and tequila will not be included.

so long, jonathan garvey

2010-03-12T22:33:00.005-05:00

When Ted and I first started talking online -- before the introduction of pictures or even a written description of physical appearance -- he asked me what kind of man I was attracted to. That's a tough question because I've found a variety of men attractive to some degree. But the truth is, I do have a "type." To demonstrate this type to him, I named three.

* Grizzly Adams

* John Goodman

* Merlin Olsen

OK, so Grizzly was a character. I wasn't sure if Ted would know the name Dan Haggerty. John Goodman was current at the time because "Roseanne" was still on the air, plus he was making movies regularly. Merlin? Ted wondered had he found a football fan in me? Um, no. That would be "Little House on the Prairie" talking. Oh, they didn't come any sweeter, nicer, and handsomer than Jonathan Garvey. And from everything I've read, the same was true of the man playing the part.

R.I.P. Mr. Olsen.

huzzah, kate harding

2010-03-11T22:16:00.000-05:00

There are so many links I could add here for Ms. Harding. Tonight, it's all about this one. (Oops. Somehow, two got in there.)

Photo by Becky Hill.

tchaikovsky would be proud

2010-03-10T22:15:00.000-05:00

This is my little friend, Alia. For Christmas*, we gave her a kit of unadorned wooden nutcrackers along with a paint set. Without any direction, and with amazing determination and drive, she had completed them all in less than two days. Zoom in on this picture. They have handlebar mustaches. It's all very cool.

* We celebrated Christmas with Alia's family weekend before last. Three previous attempts had to be rescheduled for various reasons. If you're wondering, yes, it's fun to have Christmas in almost-March.

wagon

2010-03-09T22:50:00.003-05:00

I've fallen off the blog wagon. Missed a day, with no power outage for an excuse. Pathetic entry today, with no excuse of any sort. When will I really get into the daily blogging groove? Bets on the date?

Here's a funny.

and the winner is...

2010-03-07T21:50:00.000-05:00

Not me. Because, of all the movies nominated for anything tonight, I've only seen three. "Up," "Star Trek," and "Sherlock Holmes." Time to break down and get a Netflix subscription?

yes, again

2010-03-06T23:58:00.002-05:00

sorry

2010-03-05T23:50:00.001-05:00

Can't do it today.

you're only a day away

2010-03-04T23:16:00.001-05:00

For only the second time since starting my current job 18 months ago, production will commence for a new customer. Tomorrow, my company will be making 10,000 jars of premium goodness for a different company to sell under its own name. That is my job. I sell my company's goods and manufacturing capabilities so that other companies can have delicious specialty foods with their own brand on them. It's called "private label."

I've been working madly for 18 months to build the business. In that time, I've only signed on two new customers. And, as of last week, my largest existing customer officially discontinued the last of the items we were making for them.

There are a lot of other projects that are in the hopper now, getting hotter by the day. I just need one big customer to approve one item, and it will make a huge difference. Of course, what I really want is for all of the customers in the hopper, big and small, to give the go-ahead, so that I can inundate my poor R&D, production, and distribution teams with too much to do. Let's make 'em all sweat!

time to purge

2010-03-03T22:59:00.000-05:00

There are 11,311 messages in my personal email box. Oh don't worry. Only 4,749 are unread. Hey, don't I get credit for at least opening 6,562 of them? Among the unopened are daily headlines from the New York Times, real estate listings, Sirius satellite radio program updates, LinkedIn connection updates, and messages I send to myself from work (recipes, reminders, topics to blog about, links to articles, etc.).

This is in contrast to my work email box, which ebbs and flows depending on a variety of factors, but rarely gets above 100 and rarely holds anything that hasn't been read within hours of arrival. The box was getting a bit big (75), but today, I managed to chip it down to 16 messages (and all of them read). It was not easy. The reason the messages were there was because something needed to be done with them.

Oftentimes, that something is a series of things (make a call, update a task, create an appointment, build a spreadsheet, create a file, you get the idea). Sometimes, it takes an hour to put away a single email.

Obviously, I don't make such time for my personal email. Probably twice a year, I plumb the depths and do some serious deleting. Time to do that again. If only I had time.

olympics

2010-03-02T21:56:00.000-05:00

Though I didn't watch much of the Olympics (I think my total time watching opening and closing ceremonies is greater than the time spent watching actual competition), I miss the cool sport-specific logo that graced Google every day. And I admit to feeling slight regret when people talk about certain events or athletes that I didn't see at all. Interestingly, I still find my spirit buoyed by the mere existence of The Games -- even if I didn't see much of them.

remember

2010-03-01T23:41:00.003-05:00

This is really interesting.

And it makes me think of my mother and my father for very different reasons.

traitor

2010-02-28T19:18:00.000-05:00

I am an American, born and raised. I married a Canadian, born, lived the first few years, then moved to America by his parents. He loves America and knows more about its history and government than most Americans I know. But he remains true to his native country, and has not (and I suspect, will not) relinquished his citizenship.

He's also a sports fan -- particularly of those sports which are integral to Canada. So, last night, when Team Canada won Olympic gold in Men's Curling, he was so excited. I was not only excited for my husband, but also for Canada to win on their home ice.

Tonight, Team Canada did it again! In a great game, they beat the U.S. in Men's Ice Hockey. I was at the store with Ted when the overtime goal was shot, and the look of thrill and pride on his face was priceless. Again, I find myself rooting for Canada, and for the same two reasons. The big difference this time is that they beat my homeland to get gold. Does that make me a traitor? No! It just means that I love my husband, and I'm happy for him.

grateful

2010-02-27T23:12:00.000-05:00

The power at both our store and our home was only out for about 12 hours. Although we had to battle the incredibly loud fire system alarm that buzzes continuously when the power is out, call the building manager down at midnight to shut it off, sleep through an increasingly chilly night, and work full days without benefit of hot showers, we survived unscathed. There are still hundreds of thousands of people without power two full days after the storm. I feel so bad for them, and for everyone who lost trees, vehicles, roofs, and more in this monster storm.

i had an excuse, part ii

2010-02-26T23:03:00.000-05:00

I would have blogged last night, but my computer was otherwise occupied. And I had planned to write tonight about the events of the last day, but my evening got away from me. So instead, a mere acknowledgement of the fact that we had a storm, it knocked out power, and I'm still not to the point where I'm dedicating a specific amount of time and a real determination to write creatively. Good night.

gah

2010-02-24T23:41:00.004-05:00

I didn't know what I was going to blog about tonight. I just figured I would put up another peep-type entry because -- after getting home late from work after a mentally exhausting day -- I spent some time this evening hanging out with my husband, chatting with my nephew and an old school friend online, and planning to go to bed early. But then I started to watch this video, and I can't stop, and it's making me shake because it's frustrating as hell.

Props to Marianne Kirby and Crystal Renn for being eloquent and moderately patient in the face of MeMe Roth (no link because she's bat-crazy and should not have the national stage that she gets, so she's not getting any more exposure from my three readers). And Kim Benson, who I'd never heard of before now, and who started off being fairly innocuous in the glow of her recent successful weight loss, but who has grown increasingly MeMe-like as the conversation has progressed. (No link for her, either.)

I should have gone to bed an hour ago. And this video is still going. And I can't turn the damnable thing. OH! And I'm so glad I didn't because Marianne just stated something so beautifully, I feel compelled to quote her.

"I feel like we keep trying to re-frame it as a 'if we're concerned about health, why aren't we talking about actual indicators of health?' And the answer is, 'it's not really about health.'"

Huzzah! She goes on:

"We want to frame it as health because we're progressives and because we genuinely care about the health of people. But I don't believe that looking at a fat person and judging them immediately as unhealthy without knowing anything about their actual health, their lifestyle, (or) their choices... I don't think that any of that actually has anything to do with a concern about their health. It has to do about the way we think about bodies in our society."

Huzzah, again! More, more, more:

"If we want to talk about health, let's talk about health. And let's not use weight as the sole indicator."

OK, enough of quoting. TR, if I haven't told you before, I love you. And I thank you for carrying the torch when so many of us haven't made the time to truly turn on the activism gene.

And with that, nerves jangled, muscles tensed, and nearly two hours later, time for sleep.

i had an excuse

2010-02-23T23:22:00.001-05:00

Someday, I'll fix my father's obituary. You see, like so many other people in the same situation, I had only a couple days to write it. And although he had been in ill health for many years, and the underlying fear of his eventual passing was always somewhere in my mind, I made no attempt to prepare for writing about his life when the time came.

And so, in my fresh grief, I struggled to celebrate him, the amazing person that he was, and all of his accomplishments. First, trying to include them all. Then trying to edit them to a reasonable length.* All while my head physically hurt from crying for 24 hours straight, getting 45 minutes of sleep, repeatedly questioning every decision I'd made in the previous 10 days, and realizing that two decades' worth of anticipation of death doesn't lessen the impact.

But I need to give this task more time, concentration, and effort in order to effectively right the wrongs I perpetrated in the original. And so for now, I simply say, it needs amendment. Amplification. And a thought process not pickled in sadness. I hope that day comes sometime soon.

* Some other day, when I'm not experiencing a moment of loss, I'll discuss the travesty that is being required to pay (a lot) for newspapers to run obituaries. I don't care how poorly your publishing business is going -- obituaries are a matter of public record. And everyone's life deserves to be acknowledged, whether or not their surviving family members have any money at all.

how faint the tune

2010-02-22T23:31:00.001-05:00

I snapped this picture as I was leaving work Friday night.

And now, some Ella Fitzgerald -- a stunning talent and one of my favorite songs.

it's everywhere

2010-02-21T23:41:00.006-05:00

The other day, I blogged about a random heart posted on a tree by the side of the road. Today, I found another.

This one, a simple heart nearly filling every inch of a regular piece of paper and stapled to a telephone pole. I parked in a nearby lot to walk over to it and take a photo, when I realized that it was at the end of Love Lane. How sweet.

I walked back to my car and was turning around to leave when I found another heart on another pole. Thinking there might be something to it, I decided to drive up Love Lane. Lo and behold, each telephone pole on the street had two or three hearts pinned to it. Both sides of the road. From one end to the other. The last house before the street ended, had a giant heart painted on it and lots of little hearts carved into the porch banisters.

I didn't take any more pictures, as it was a small neighborhood, and my parked car and camera-ready wandering might be disruptive. But it was kinda' cool.

flashback

2010-02-20T23:49:00.004-05:00

This is me in 1983.

And my date, Bob. Cute, weren't we? Senior corn roast at my high school (that's a can of soda pop being lifted). It was a fun night. After the corn roast, we went to the movies to see Mr. Mom. But it was sold out, so instead we saw Jaws 3-D. That epic was so bad, we laughed our way through it. When it was over, we drove an hour to the ocean to look for Jaws in person. It was a late night getting home, but it was a blast.

I just found Bob again thanks to a certain social networking site. He commented on the status of a mutual friend from our home town, so I sent him a note. By the next day, we were reminiscing about life a quarter century ago. Ain't technology grand?

third time's a charm?

2010-02-19T23:30:00.001-05:00

Nope. Another day with a pathetic blog entry. And this weekend's super busy. Not looking much better. Oh well!

quoting britney spears

2010-02-18T23:59:00.003-05:00

Oops, I did it again. Still need to get my head around this daily blogging thing. Maybe by the end of the year, I'll be better at it. Here, watch a nice video. Actually this is the first time I've seen the video. But I really like the song.

oops

2010-02-17T23:59:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to write something today, wasn't I? Bad me.

still snowing

2010-02-16T22:24:00.003-05:00

It's cold out here in the living room, and I don't want to turn the heat up. I also need to wake up early to (once again) brush snow off my car and shovel out around it. I know we've had it relatively easy this winter. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to complain when a foot of snow finally falls. Cranky in my old age.

So, off to bed to solve both those issues. Good night.

every little bit

2010-02-15T23:59:00.006-05:00

I've been following Kevin Smith on Twitter for a while. This came after he stopped regularly writing on his blog, which I read for a while before then. I'm a Kevin Smith fan. Although I don't think I'm hypersensitive about profanity and such, I have occasionally been slightly stunned by his remarkable candor when talking about sex. But it's never been so offensive as to stop me from reading what he writes, watching video of his performances, and enjoying his movies.

That said, his candor has been a gargantuan wellspring of excitement in the last couple days, as the man was beat about the head and shoulders with Southwest Airlines' Fatty Fatty Two By Four Mood Swings. As of Sunday evening, Google shows 919 articles about the incident.

Long story short, if you've somehow missed it, after buying two tickets on a Southwest flight (in compliance with said FFTBFMS policy), Smith attempted to get onto an earlier flight via standby. Southwest boarded him onto the plane with a single seat, and he was sitting -- seatbelted with lowered armrests -- when a flight attendant told him that the captain was booting him off the flight. Through many machinations and a couple of poorly worded public apologies, Southwest claims that his 'person of size' status dictated the move.

Smith launched a Twitter attack of epic proportions. The news channels quickly seized on it and started banging away at this new angle of the daily OMG Teh Obesity Crisis!!!11!!! discussion. As much as I feel for the guy having to go through this (it's another post, or perhaps a book, in which I discuss my personal air travel issues), it's a remarkable gift from above that a celebrity with a fan base and a platform or two has experienced this nightmare. I can only hope that his righteous ranting will shed enough light on the situation that the airlines realize something different must be done to deal with the issue of cranky customers who complain about us fatties daring to occupy the same mode of transportation with them.

I fear, however, all the red herrings that will be thrown out, and in fact, are already popping up. Claims like "fat passengers increase the aircraft's total weight, which will crash the plane" (a few hundred extra pounds when talking about a vehicle that is many tons?), "fat passengers block the path in case of emergency" (because they're just sitting still when everyone else is evacuating?!), and my favorite, "don't the poor, stupid fat passengers know it's bad for their health?" Oh, and the comments. Lordy.

So, I'm sorry Kevin Smith, that you have to fight this battle. But I'm glad you're fighting it, and loudly. There are millions of fat folks who suffer such indignities (at the hands of corporations, individuals, governments, and systems) who have neither the temerity nor the voice to wage such a war. In my perfect world, you wouldn't emphasize quite so vigorously that you are not THAT fat, though (i.e. you were able to sit comfortably with the arm rests down and no seat belt extender). Those people who are not able to do those things still deserve to be treated with dignity.

As always, there's a lot more to this discussion. But I've already spent far too much time talking about it tonight -- especially considering that I haven't even gotten into the whole First Lady anti-obesity crusade, the raft of craziness at a certain grocery chain, or the general demonization of food.

lovely day for the beach

2010-02-14T23:37:00.006-05:00

It's Valentine's Day. And although Ted usually works the store open to close on Sundays, he enlisted our regular employee to relieve him at noon today. So, we exchanged Valentine's cards and gifts (tomorrow is Glee viewing day), went out for lunch, ran an errand, and then headed to the beach.

The beach? In New Hampshire in February? Well, it seemed like a good idea. It hasn't snowed (and stuck) in weeks, and the sun was shining. We certainly weren't the only ones who'd thought of it. Hampton Beach was downright crowded. There was a little less traffic at North Hampton Beach, and fewer people still at Jenness, where we stopped. Lots of dogs at every location. That said, once we were walking on the compacted sand, the wind made it quite apparent that we wouldn't be staying too long.

We managed to visit with a few of the dogs as we wandered along, exchanging pleasantries with their tethered or free range owners. And I took a couple of pictures, including this tidbit of sea wall advice. But the chill drove us back to the car, where we continued North up the seacoast, enjoying the ocean, marveling at all the beautiful houses and their spectacular view, and wondering when we'd have the chance to give visitors this tour again.

We arrived home, bundled up on the couch to watch a movie, napped, and had a nice sandwich for dinner with some rice crackers. All in all, a lovely day.

roar

2010-02-13T23:52:00.004-05:00

One niece and one nephew joined Ted and me for a Manchester Monarchs hockey game tonight. We got four free club seats plus a free parking pass from one of our sales reps at the store. It was a pretty good game, and the Monarchs won, which is always a bonus. Extra bonus that the super nice couple in front of us who had arrived early enough to get free t-shirts at the door, decided that they had enough Monarchs gear at home and gave their new t-shirts to Courtney and Ryan. How nice is that? But more fun than anything was hanging out with Court and Ry for a few hours. What a blast.

marred

2010-02-12T21:05:00.000-05:00

RIP Nodar Kumaritashvili

love

2010-02-11T23:41:00.001-05:00

Silly. Most people talk about sweethearts around this time of year. Husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, secret crush. But at this moment, I profess love for the company where I've worked since the summer of 2008.

work

2010-02-10T22:04:00.003-05:00

No entry that even approaches the highly intellectual and psychologically enthralling experience of the "peep" posts. Important meeting at 8:00am tomorrow requires much preparation. I wonder what tomorrow night's blog entry will be like? Could go one of several ways.

r.i.p. comet

2010-02-09T23:22:00.003-05:00

I will miss my sister's dog, Comet. An incredibly sweet and personable Golden Retriever. Gone too soon.

moonlighting

2010-02-08T23:58:00.000-05:00

Not sure what I was thinking when I agreed to writing for my company blog. I should have known better than to believe I could write one entry a week in any less than six or eight hours. Why can't I go faster? Gah.

So, now with no time to write my own entry, I'm again cheating with a peep. Tonight, I'll do my best not to think about the fact that one of my favorite jazz singers is going to be a few hundred yards away from my home this Wednesday, and unless Ted has some great secret up his sleeve (i.e. tickets), I won't get to see the performance. Feel like wailing like a big baby. I WANNA' GO! I WANNA' GO!

But that wouldn't be dignified. And would hardly help the situation. I hope you enjoy our fair city, Mr. Elling.

finding the heart

2010-02-07T23:25:00.003-05:00

Last weekend on the drive to Mom's house, my attention was captured by what appeared to be a broken heart fashioned from wood and mounted on a tree by the side of the road. At the time, I had a full 'to do' list, and wanted to stay on track. Onward I drove.

I found myself thinking about the display of art/affection during the week, though. So, today as I headed back home after visiting Mom, I made it a point to stop. That is, after I scoured the treeline of a tree-lined road for 20 miles before finding the right tree -- while driving in the opposite direction. I made a couple u-turns in the process. But on the day of the Big Game (and because I was in The Sticks, New Hampshire), there was no traffic with which to contend.

Upon closer inspection, I discovered messages.

"It's broken worst than you know"

"I love you"

"Thier is no distance so far apart"

"You will alway have a piece of my heart"

Heartbreak is bad for spelling and grammar. But good for art. I wonder if the beloved is aware of this installation.

P.S. Finally photos from my new camera. This occurred because today I also procured a new computer.

ayuh

2010-02-06T09:18:00.004-05:00

I went to college in Maine and, after graduation, lived in the state for another three years before defecting to Seattle. It's a nice state. If you believe everything you're told, it's "the way life should be." I don't know if I'd go that far, but it has its good qualities.

I bring this up because I stumbled across the Maine Maven blog yesterday, and just fell in love with the header (see martini at left). I'm not sure how the the potent potable fits into the Maine lifestyle (I think it's more of a beer place), but the garnishes win.

Since my stints in Washington and Connecticut, I've made my way back to my home state. But every day I cross the Piscataqua to work in Maine, where sometimes I partake of wild blueberries or lobster.

appreciative

2010-02-05T21:34:00.000-05:00

The last two winters were hard. For '07-'08, the first year we were in New Hampshire, it was the second snowiest winter on record. In '08-'09, it wasn't much better with blizzards Every. Single. Weekend. This year, however, has been refreshingly less brutal. At least, in our little band of the region. Other New Englanders have been digging out as much as usual. And we have still had more than a few bitterly cold and/or windy days. But in the grand scheme of things, I'm finding myself regularly happy by things like not needing to wear boots for a couple weeks at a time. And so I thought I should offer up my gratitude to The Universe, Mother Nature, and the blogosphere.

By the way, this photo is one I actually took myself. LAST winter when we lived in The Shoebox. This was the sidewalk in front of the house after a blizzard. Don't miss it.

photograph

2010-02-04T22:32:00.001-05:00

I recently purchased a camera, using a combination of holiday gifts to pay for it (cash from a Christmas card, a Visa-type gift card, and a winning scratch ticket from my stocking). I've taken a few photos. Several are of the how-the-heck-does-this-thing-work variety. Lots of weirdly lit pictures of my palm, retina-intensive cats, and zooming in on distant objects. Part of the reason I wanted the camera was to be able to take photos when I wanted to take them and, more to today's point, post them on sanguinary blue regularly. That said, none of the shots from my new Canon have made it here yet.

There is logic here, believe it or not. I continue to work on my sucky emachine by the grace of God (my profile is corrupted; I'm using a guest profile to function). Until I can fix or replace it, I don't want to add anything to its already tentative hard drive -- including camera software or photo files. So, I'll keep pilfering images off the 'net, and plodding along.

That's it for now.

some things never change

2010-02-03T23:22:00.000-05:00

One hour and nineteen minutes. That's how long the conversation with my college roommate lasted tonight. And really, one of the only compelling reasons for it to end was that my cell phone was about to burn a hole in my cheek.

It's good to have good friends.

actual

2010-02-02T23:53:00.000-05:00

Tonight, I had a 'to do' list that got done. Hot diggety dog, it's been a long time since I've actually finished one of those things. Admittedly, it was not complicated.

* Make dinner
* Eat dinner with Ted
* Do dishes
* Go grocery shopping
* Put away groceries
* Reorganize refrigerator
* Blog

Technically, the list won't be done until I publish this post. But I'm going to do that momentarily. Yay, me. Good night.

one would think

2010-02-01T21:57:00.003-05:00

One would think that without television, progress might be made in other areas. One would be wrong; primarily because television isn't the distraction. It's this crazy thing called the internet.

That said, there are evenings when I'll watch an hour or two of TV. That hasn't been possible since the lights went out on Friday. Despite the extra time, I have not immersed myself in the attempt to write some real, perhaps even mildly interesting, blog entry. And now, in an effort to get more sleep to aid in my recovery, there's no time left at all.

So with that, I leave you with this nice photo of the 2008 Jaguar XKR. Purdy, ain't it?

distraction

2010-01-31T10:55:00.000-05:00

I was poking through this website of rare photos of famous people when I found this picture. Although it's not identified, I feel confident that I know the setting. The Beatles were in their room at the Edgewater Hotel in Seattle, fishing from the window. Ted had a friend who managed the Edgewater for a while, and he told us that story years ago. I'd never heard the story before then, and didn't see a picture at the time. This morning, the last piece came into the picture.

That's my distraction this morning. I'm afraid now I have to go face reality.

sigh

2010-01-30T23:32:00.000-05:00

I thought I was getting better. But the same symptom that "blossomed" on Monday night - the one that looked so much better by this morning -- blossomed again tonight. I am sad. And a bit scared. And that's all I'm going to say for now.

carried away

2010-01-29T23:29:00.006-05:00

I nearly forgot to blog tonight, so busy was I reading a book and searching online for a lamp replacement for our projection TV. OK, so I hadn't planned on reading a book. I really wanted to hunker down on this brutally cold evening with an afghan and a few cats to watch a movie or two. But the burnt out bulb in the TV ended that pipe dream (although I did still have afghan and cats while reading).

We ignored the "replace lamp" warning for a couple weeks. The picture started getting a little darker and a little less clear. When it exploded last night, we could ignore it no longer. Ted searched around town today, and was stunned to find out that this bulb, uh, I mean lamp assembly costs about the same as a Toshiba 26" flat panel LCD TV with a built-it DVD player. But a mere couple feet can't replace the 10' behemoth that we call television. So, I shopped around online, found a more reasonably priced lamp assembly, and it will arrive early next week. Until then, we go without. Or we finally get around to setting up the little TV in the bedroom. I vote for [A] because I really like having a television-free bedroom.

Time for bed. Need to see if I can get the blast furnace to actually shut off for a little while. It's so windy and cold that it's been running all evening. Gmail's got it wrong again, by the way. It may be clear, but at 11:30pm at night, it's just not sunny.

found

2010-01-28T21:56:00.001-05:00

I went looking for a picture to use in tonight's otherwise brief blog entry. Instead of simply plucking the one I liked best and inserting it here, I found myself fascinated by the site from whence it came. I direct your attention to Words Are Art. Lovely and fascinating. The one I found at first was a beautiful, stark tree blown by the wind. But wander and see if the houses, moons, or bunnies strike your fancy.

filler

2010-01-27T22:46:00.003-05:00

The settings on my Gmail account are configured to display a background reflecting current weather conditions in my area. I've always thought this was cute, if not wholly necessary, and it makes the interface a little less drab. Lately, though, it's been wrong a lot. Despite two nearly solid days of sunshine, blue skies, and precipitation-free weather, the Gmail page has shown driving rain, wind, and now, snow. I just looked out my window. No snow. I checked Weather.com. No forecast of snow for at least 24 hours. Is it showing snow to indicate that the temperature has dropped? Is it referencing another zip code for some mysterious reason? Who knows.

Nothing else to talk about. Good night.

a reason

2010-01-26T23:49:00.000-05:00

I went to the doctor last week because I was sick. This may not sound like a big deal: people go to doctors all the time. But generally speaking, I have to experience a significant amount of distress before deciding to seek medical attention. It was a good thing I went because it turns out I have both a bacterial sinus infection and a viral upper respiratory infection. The antibiotics have done a fine job of getting the sinus issue under control. I can both breathe and swallow now, which is pretty damned exciting when you think about it.

Today, after the sudden and dramatic worsening of a symptom, I went back to the doctor. After a long time in an exam room (literally hours) and a series of blood tests, it's apparent that the viral infection is much worse than originally thought. Unfortunately, there is no nifty treatment like antibiotics for viruses. So, it becomes a matter of attempting to suppress it long enough for my body to recover from the damage it's caused.

So, I've been sick. And I've been tired. And I'm trying to catch up at work after missing about five full days of it. And sometimes there's not enough energy or motivation or sheer will that allows me to be as productive as I want to (or should) be. So forgive me for past "peep"-type entries, and any in the future that may appear. I'm working on a new balancing act.

sorry

2010-01-25T23:07:00.001-05:00

can't be done.

word of the day

2010-01-24T17:12:00.003-05:00

Via Dictionary.com

frangible \FRAN-juh-buhl\, adjective; Capable of being broken; brittle; fragile; easily broken.

'night 'night

2010-01-23T23:33:00.000-05:00

In the last seven days, I have gone to work on one day and worked a total of a bit over four hours. I'm so sick that I'll need to have a doctor's note to prove that it's OK for me to return to the office. Ted, too, has been sick this whole time. Not quite as dramatically so, but with a couple miserable days and still -- right now in his sleep -- coughing.

In that same seven days, Ted has gone to work on seven days and worked a total of around 93 hours. And tomorrow, he does his usual open-to-close shift. That's 15 hours in one day. He'll finish around 9:00pm, come home, do a quick nighttime routine, go to bed, and be up again at 3:00am to start Monday with a weekday-standard 12-14 hour day.

Despite his own illness and ridiculous work schedule, he came home today with a box of tea for me. He thought it might help me sleep (something that's been a problem this week) without adding to the pile of medications. He brings me hot compresses, bottles of water, new boxes of tissues (Puffs with lotion, which he went out and got mid-week), hot cups of water with honey that's impossible to squeeze out of a stupid bear bottle, and anything else I need while I sit swaddled in pajamas, afghans, cats, and the couch. Anytime he moves from one place to another, he asks if he can do anything for me.

Ever wonder why the line "in sickness and in health" exists in the marriage vows? I am so lucky.

perspective

2010-01-22T21:42:00.000-05:00

I missed a day. In my defense, it was the day I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a viral infection, a bacterial infection, and a fever. In all, I worked about 4 hours this week -- and I'm still not well. At least I have an understanding of what's going on and medication to treat it.

I've whined a lot this week. These dual infections have kicked my butt. But, as my friend, Chris, pointed out yesterday, things could be worse. She writes, "Amidst all the political commentary, I read today that amputations are being carried out in Haiti using only Motrin in place of anesthesia. Certainly puts my life into perspective." Motrin is one of the drugs I'm taking -- for respiratory and sinus infections. Perspective, indeed.

I started watching the "Hope for Haiti Now" benefit tonight. Let's just say that crying doesn't help when your head is full of infected mucus. Time to do something for someone else.

sleeping on the sofa

2010-01-20T20:47:00.001-05:00

To prevent drowning. Thought I was going to die in bed last night. Tomorrow it's either work or the doctor.

day 2

2010-01-19T22:09:00.002-05:00

Miserable. Nothing to post. No energy to even go find a stupid picture. Afraid to go to bed without a plastic drop-cloth for my faucet-nose. Wah.

out sick

2010-01-18T21:56:00.000-05:00

No revelations in the world of sanguinary blue blogging today. I have a cold that's made me fairly miserable all day. And my old emachine finally bit it today. The only reason I can post this pathetic entry is that I'm using our store computer.

By the way, both Ted (who also has a cold) and I are using up the Kleenex tissues like they're going out of style. Unfortunately, our noses are both now in need of Puffs. And despite a current inventory of 27 boxes of tissues in the house, none of them are Puffs. Drat.

not even a choir

2010-01-17T10:11:00.001-05:00

Not many people see this blog. Precious few, really. So, why have I made such a concerted effort to write here every day? I suppose it has less to do with finding an audience and more to do with getting back in the groove of writing. So, why write here? If I wrote every day in my journals, I wouldn't be faced with the limitations that potential readership brings. Perhaps the pressure to write something that's actually interesting is greater because of the potential readership.

Well, whatever the case, I'm too distracted to explore it more thoroughly today. My "to do" list is lengthy, and the morning is half over. Contemplation will have to continue some other day.

wanderers

2010-01-16T23:59:00.001-05:00

Ted wanted to go somewhere today. There was no clear concept as to where, or to do what. Just somewhere other than home, on his one afternoon off in the week. The weather was beautiful. As we ran a few errands around town, we saw a noteworthy number of people wearing shorts and shirtsleeves. I don't know that I would have gone that far. Mid-40s is nice for ditching the scarf and mittens, but that's about it. Anyway, eventually we decided to do some camera shopping and head out to Rochester.

We did some reconnaissance at Best Buy and Walmart, made some decisions about the necessary and unnecessary features, discovered that the memory card from my old camera is obsolete, and ultimately decided to let Costco be the deciding factor. With that, we headed West on Routes 4 and 16 to, as it's called at my office, RochVegas.

Naturally, we started at the Warehouse Store, where we found a few irresistible bargains and our first Christmas gift for 2010! Ted was flipping through one of Jim and Jonathan's books, and found some great recipes ideas. He asked if I had the book. Funny thing is, I do (I have almost all of them). Great! "New" meals to try!

We purchased our goodies and headed out. Instead of getting back onto the highway, Ted suggested we go explore Sanford, Maine. Why not? Before we knew it, we were wandering through Lebanon, Sanford, South Sanford, North Berwick, South Berwick, Rollinsford NH, and Dover NH. We didn't look at any map, and we don't have GPS. We just wandered. By the time we got to Dover, we started to recognize the roads again. Right about then, the sun started to sink into the fantastically colorful horizon. We headed home.

unrelated

2010-01-15T23:12:00.001-05:00

The day started with a very cold Warehouse apartment, which prompted three cats to snuggle deeply with me (the fourth has a burrow in a box of pillows and blankets). Schmoo laid impossibly on top of my feet. Woodle nestled alongside my arm. Milo was solidly pressed against my head: really, he was on my head -- but we were very warm and comfortable. After my morning routine (during which, Milo didn't move a muscle), I found myself unable to make the bed. My husband would say that wasn't strictly true. Had I asserted my position as Master/Mommy/Alpha, I could have simply moved Milo from his deeply embedded and tremendously schmumfy entrenchment in my pillows. But I just couldn't. Guess we know who the real alpha is in the house.

The day ends, and I just found on Facebook a momentous event in the love story of two of my former co-workers. On Chris's page, a Wednesday wall post from Cliff reads, "I love you Chris. Marry me tomorrow." And today, on both Chris and Cliff's pages, new photo albums of a mountaintop wedding in Colorado. I haven't talked with any involved parties, so I don't know if it was actually as spontaneous as it appears on Facebook. No matter. It's terribly romantic, either way.

Can't wait to see what tomorrow holds.

two-timing

2010-01-14T21:56:00.001-05:00

It could be called 'feast or famine.' I went a full year with only two blips on the blogosphere radar. Then almost like a switch was flipped, daily posts have magically appeared. Almost like a resolution. (By the way, I don't make resolutions.) But now, there's more. As of today, I'm also writing for my company's blog.

Interestingly, writing blog entries for work feels much less like a chore than writing blog entries for sanguinary blue. Perhaps because it's so easy to find things to talk about when it comes to the wonderful company where I work. It's much more complex to write about my own life in a public forum: there is a lot of internal editing that stops the presses before they even run. Meanwhile, ask me about my favorite chutney or the beautiful gardens or the amazing chef who taught class last night, and off I go to the races!

* Photo by Katie Ring, Stonewall Kitchen photographer

tonight's menu

2010-01-13T22:27:00.000-05:00

* Roasted Root Vegetable Bisque with Apple Cider and Warm Spices
* Braised American Kobe Beef Cheeks
* Parsley Potato Rossiti
* Blood Orange, Kumquat and Marscapone Parfait

Lest you think I'm actually that ambitious, let me say that all this scrumptiousness was from the genius of Chef Ben Hasty by way of the Stonewall Kitchen Cooking School. And oh. my. heavens. was it delicious. We've had his food before, having brought a visiting friend to The Dunaway Restaurant a couple summers ago. Now that he's at Epoch, we'll definitely be planning a trip to Exeter sometime in the near future.

the santa pocket

2010-01-12T21:28:00.002-05:00

At left is the adorable key chain I bought at a certain fantastic retail location before Christmas. With the push of a tiny button on the back, his lantern lights up and he gives a hearty "Ho! Ho! Ho!" How could I resist such Santa-ness? Unfortunately, one of the links couldn't hold up against my robot clock key chain (at right), which has had much more practice at weathering the battleground that is my keys (mine is the same model as the picture here, though it's pink). So, to keep Santa safe, I tucked him into the outside pocket of my purse. Some other day, I'll go into detail of the screenplay I will someday pen about Santa battling an army of pink robots with clocks on their tummies.

Years ago, my Mom crocheted a lapel decoration for everyone in the family -- a fabulous, yarn brooch of dear old St. Nick, which adorned my overcoat for the holidays. Right around New Year's Day, I removed him from said lapel and, well, tucked him into the outside pocket of my purse.

Today, while looking for something all together unrelated, I stumbled across my Santa stash. And I realized that the same side pocket of my purse also contained an open package of hearing aid batteries. They belonged to my Dad. I'd gone to pick them up to bring them to him at the hospital the day before he died. I know I should donate them to an organization that will give them to someone who really needs them. But I can't bring myself to let them go.

I love my Dad. I miss my Dad. I am blessed that thoughts of him bring me happiness, that I was by his side much of the last week of his life, that we didn't leave important things unsaid. The therapists of the world might say that I have closure. Still, the hearing aid batteries aren't leaving the Santa pocket any time soon.

not even a peep

2010-01-11T23:59:00.000-05:00

peep

2010-01-10T23:12:00.000-05:00

That's all I can muster today. Goodnight.

lasagna and the movies

2010-01-09T23:46:00.001-05:00

On this chilly January day, the blast furnace whirred almost constantly, keeping The Warehouse toasty (if moreso in some spots than others). Family visited, and we watched movies on the 10' "screen," ate homemade lasagna, chatted, and played with the cats. Now, everyone has headed home, Ted is sleeping, the blast furnace is off (for now), and I still with chilly calves at the desk -- bemoaning the eventual loss of the Christmas tree which we have still not dismantled, and which occupies a fantastic gap in the room. Tomorrow, I go back to chores. I may wait until the last minute (Tuesday night) to pack up ornaments and twinkle lights, though.

numbers

2010-01-08T23:56:00.004-05:00

Maybe the numbering system should have stayed. Maybe it's what provided inspiration for daily blogging after nearly a year of radio silence. How is that possible? It was simply a way to lazily announce that I might be making a return to blogging. Life couldn't possibly be so twisted as to allow something so nonchalant to have such power. Nah. Just postulating about nothing to fill space. What will Day 9 hold?

day 7: time to stop counting

2010-01-07T23:31:00.001-05:00

It's been a wild and woolly day. The last couple hours were occupied on a very important phone call, which only ended because my cell battery experienced massive failure (sorry Rina!). I have no new picture to share, no real idea of even the fluffiest of topics to discuss, and no time to flesh them out anyway. Just a minor decision. Today will be the last day I number the blog titles. After one week, I'm feeling more confident that they'll be more regular than last year.

And with that, an easy distraction and fare-thee-well.

Good night.

day 6: just a few clicks more

2010-01-06T22:48:00.000-05:00

Perhaps you've heard of The Hunger Site. The premise is simple: click a button on the site and be re-directed to a page where you view sponsors who fund charitable donations to organizations that feed the hungry. You don't ever have to buy anything from the sponsors or the online store. Of course, you might be tempted and someday purchase something, which is why the sponsors pay the money. But if you can resist the urge to shop, you can essentially make a small, daily donation to a worthy cause for free.

Apparently, a fair number of folks do this. The Hunger Site reports that visitor clicks totaled 65.7 million cups of food donated in 2009. Another page with exactly the same format, The Animal Rescue Site, gathered enough clicks to donate 92 million bowls of pet food to shelters.

But there are four other sites all affiliated that don't seem to get the same level of attention. Although it's certainly great that The Breast Cancer Site was able to help nearly 7,000 women to get mammograms (and admittedly, it takes more clicks to get a mammogram than a cup of food), it seems to me that number should be higher. The same is true for the Child Health, Literacy, and Rainforest sites. If everyone who clicked on The Hunger Site and/or The Animal Rescue Site could take a bit longer and click the other sites, as well, I think those numbers could really swell.

And it's not difficult. There is a tab for each of the six sites at the tops of them all.

Just click a few more times. Every little bit helps!

day 5: frustration, then relief!

2010-01-05T21:58:00.000-05:00

The slow but steady degradation of my heretofore stalwart digital camera my have reached its nadir; a hair's-breadth before its inevitable demise. It's been through a lot. I've not been gentle with it, and so I should be grateful for its six-ish years of mostly reliable service.

I like taking pictures. Occasionally, I'll even take one I think is actually quite good -- though I appreciate that, more than talent, it's usually a combination of fortunate timing, luck, and sheer quantity (take a thousand pictures, and one is bound to be decent). It has been with some disappointment that I realized my camera is dying. An emotion compounded by the fact that I don't really have the money to replace it at this point.

But tonight, while contemplating a blog post topic and a picture I might take for it, it dawned on me! The various gift cards and cash I received at Christmas can be combined so that I can purchase a new camera! To paraphrase Uma Thurman in "The Truth About Cats and Dogs," it won't be a Ferrari, but it should be a Toyota. Now, off to do some research.

day 4: fishes and birthday wishes

2010-01-04T23:33:00.002-05:00

Ted and I went to Jumpin' Jay's for my birthday dinner tonight. This is our favorite restaurant in town. Would that we were more affluent that we could partake on occasions other than just special ones.

The food is so scrumptious! Although I missed the Wild Mushroom Risotto that's been off the menu for about a year now (we keep hoping it will come back), the roasted pear and radicchio salad did not disappoint. It never does. And pan-seared yellowfin tuna (rare) in Mandarin sesame glaze with wasabi aioli is divine with garlic mashed potatoes and shredded beets. A glass of amazingly smooth 2008 La Crema Pinot Noir was convincing enough to require a second.

Ted was very happy with both soup and entree of scallops. He wants to know if I'm willing to have multiple birthdays every year.

My broken camera made this shot challenging -- especially in the bitter breeze. But it was a must to get a picture of Jumpin' Jay's fish, complete with scarf and snow.

day 3: part 2

2010-01-03T23:24:00.003-05:00

Milo was feeling a bit chilly. He plopped down directly between me and the keyboard, leaned his whole body up against my chest, and I wrapped a blanket around the both of us. He promptly rested his head on my arm and went to sleep. This was not a convenient position for me to do much of anything. But he was so snuggly, I couldn't help myself. It was not easy taking a picture of us (Ted was asleep). This was the best I could do with my broken camera and my arm wrapped up in blanket.

By the way, as of this entry, I've now officially posted twice as many blog entries in 2010 as I did in all of 2009. Hmm.

day 3: safe a bit longer

2010-01-03T19:30:00.003-05:00

I didn't take down the Christmas tree today, for several reasons. When I was a kid, my parents would keep it up through my sister's and my birthdays. Why stop that tradition now? Plus, we can't put it curbside for another couple days. Why have it sitting inside undecorated? Plus, Epiphany's not until the 6th. Why not go with the 12 Days of Christmas vibe? Any more excuses needed? I think not. I like the tree, and dread the dark hole its absence will create. So, I'm clinging. I'm allowed.

My long list of chores and errands was only moderately decreased. Translation: I had a lazy holiday weekend. Ted & I went out to a movie and dinner yesterday. It felt decadent -- even though it was a matinée, and we were out of the Olive Garden before 5:00pm. It's rare we are able to have such a date. We watched another movie when we got home. The constant, if not epic, snow was conducive to such a film marathon.

Today, Ted's putting in an open-to-close shift. A mere 15 hours. He'll switch off the lights in 6 minutes and be home in 7 -- maybe 8, if the cars don't let him cross the street. Hopefully, it won't be too slippery for him. Did I mention he got ski poles for Christmas? To add stability on his commute. They pair nicely with his crampons.

day 2: don't count on it

2010-01-02T10:37:00.006-05:00

Why am I back here? Nothing to report but snowfall and a raging case of the sniffles. Three very snuggly cats and one who refused to join the warmth. A wheat bagel and orange juice for breakfast. The twinkle of Christmas lights, as I refuse to dismantle the tree just yet. Chores and errands to be done, though at the moment, more interest in random online rambling and a 12:50pm showing of "Sherlock Holmes" (we all know how I feel about Robert Downey, Jr.). Until then, I must resist the urge to watch the last two episodes of The Vicar of Dibley, and be minimally productive before brushing off the car and driving to the theater.

day 1

2010-01-01T21:05:00.003-05:00

A blog entry for the first day of 2010. Resolutions? Year-end lists? Plans for a new life with new adventures and new momentum? Commitments to write more? Nah. Just a blip. Perhaps to be followed with more blips. A few more sentences, and it will have exceeded everything written here for 2009. But not tonight.

Painting is "Drilling For Honey" by Shelton Walsmith. Isn't it lovely? Happy New Year.

boo

2009-11-23T21:59:00.003-05:00

Nearly a year. And why now? Because tonight, I experienced the famous straw as never before. Tonight, my favorite lamp was the straw, and I was the camel's back: We broke nearly simultaneously.

There was no reason for me to react the way I did. As disappointed as I was that the lamp broke, and as frustrated as I was about the circumstances that led it to break, and as panicked as I was about all the broken glass, none of those things -- even in concert with each other -- was enough to prompt the full-on tantrum/meltdown that ensued.

Ted was bewildered, concerned... a bit scared. The wife he's known for so many years usually maintains a freakishly even keel. And tonight, she suddenly hit rough seas and near-about capsized!

He tried to calm me down, but was unsuccessful. The cats rapidly made themselves scarce, which was good because they avoided the millions of shards. And in the middle of this wildly disproportionate fit, I found myself wondering why I was pitching it, why there was no OFF button. And so I, too, was something of a witness to the whole episode.

Didn't last long -- a couple minutes, after which, I regained my composure and set about to vacuuming up the bits too small to pick up by hand (Ted got all the big pieces while I was morphing into a crazed puddle). It was an arduous task to be sure. The lamp had truly shattered.

It's done now, and I've since found several places online where I can get replacement shades. So now life goes on. Right? I've folded laundry, chatted about my day with my husband, checked email, read the news, and written a blog entry. Is it necessary for me to analyze all the pieces of straw in my life? Is that the only way to keep my back from breaking again the next time a fly buzzes by and inadvertently adds a speck of straw dust? There are many pieces of straw these days. And my back hurts enough that it's tempting to openly list and/or complain about them (though I might contend that the list itself would be a complaint). This strays way outside my usual optimism, and although it may explain tonight, I know better than to go there. It's time to climb up the slope, not slide down it.

So, let's talk about something more upbeat. Holidays! Here's a great Thanksgiving poem:

"Yam" by Bruce Guernsey

The potato that ate all its carrots,
can see in the dark like a mole,

its eyes the scars

from centuries of shovels, tines.

May spelled backwards

because it hates the light,

pawing its way, paddling along,

there in the catacombs.

Love it. And then there's Christmas.

I'm not ready for Christmas in any way. Some gifts have been procured. But when my hard drive crashed, it ate my list. That means I have to start from scratch as to who gets what and how much budget is left for everyone, and therefore how much more shopping needs to be done. I'm braving Black Friday with my sister and my Christmas Club money. But I'm not appropriately prepared for it. At a time in the process when I'm typically done or close to it. And I'm still trying to imagine Christmas without my own personal Santa -- Dad.

Oops. Just slipped down a bit. I should call it a night, an entry, a year, and get some sleep. Maybe I'll blog again next August.

it's slipping away...

2009-01-20T00:21:00.001-05:00

The muses are gone. Even the part-time one, who inspires meek anecdotes and easy YouTube embeddings. I'd hoped that this lovely lady sketched by Deeleigh over at Well Rounded might be enough to stir the lazy muses from their slumber. Alas, not. Or not yet -- not that I have it in me to wait around for it.

It's easy to say that available free time has decreased now that I'm well into a real, full-time job again. Especially given the depth to which my subconscious is submerged in my new industry (I have dreams about huge kettles full of cooking fruit, tiny jars packed with delectable condiments, and Excel spreadsheets brimming with pricing formulas. Every day. No, really... every day. Without exception. For coming-up-on half a year.) But I managed to shake the muses loose with reasonable frequency when previously employed in a real, full-time job. What's different this time?

There's no answer to that question, because the muses, well, they've taken leave. Even the second shift one whose sole responsibility is making excuses.

It's not for lack of topics.

* Family... ah, family
* Friends (present, past, former [different from 'past'], and maybe even future)
* A new president
* The wild (and barely tolerable) winter weather
* My rapidly growing dissatisfaction with our living quarters
* The single song I play repeatedly despite having a library of over 20,000 songs
* Poems that make me ache
* Cute cats
* Messy storage units
* A highly successful venture into making meatloaf
* Problems whose aching manifests as bouts of hives
* The sweetness in the world
* The overload of everything in the world
* The year of the landmark high school reunion
* A thick skull that remembers less and seems to only grudgingly adapt
* The imminent demise of one of my favorite size acceptance blogs
* Newly updated lists
* File boxes that look organized from the outside
* Unread books gathering dust
* The burden of truths that can never be shared

This could go on forever. Not actually writing anything interesting or insightful. Just listing the general topics. I've got this one song on repeat on my iPod so as not to wake up Ted. It's 58 degrees in here, and despite my fluffy slippers and layers of long fleece, my toes are cold. And once again, I've escaped the potential for a full night's sleep by rambling about nothing until the calendar turns.

What's the point?

And so with that, I suspect that sanguinary blue will likely come to an end. Not following Paul's suit. I've floated the idea before. Now I just need the overly pert motivation muse to kick me in the ass so I'll actually take the site down.

I'm elsewhere in the ether. One way or another, I can be reached if need be. Good night.

random list

2008-12-27T13:55:00.006-05:00

Dinner tonight.

* Rosemary croccantini
* Cambozola blue cheese
* Stonewall Kitchen roasted garlic onion jam
* Clementines
* Israeli couscous in cranberry ginger glaze
* Organic 3-year old extra sharp Canadian cheddar
* Green grapes
* Sweet onion crackers
* Forest mushroom pesto
* Maplebrook cherrywood smoked mozzarella
* Thai beef salad with sesame dressing
* Organic raspberries

A single bag from the grocery store where I never shop (except the onion jam, which was already in my fridge). A week's worth of grocery budget (which is why I never shop there), though there will certainly be leftovers. Beverages to be determined. A nice pinot noir might be good. Now if only I had a corkscrew and wine glass. And a dining room table.

in case you forgot

2008-12-21T06:11:00.004-05:00

word wonk strikes again

2008-12-17T07:21:00.004-05:00

It could just be me, but I find this thesaurus entry particularly enjoyable.

Great:

Synonyms
A1, bang-up, banner, boss [slang], capital, classic, crackerjack, dandy, divine, fabulous, fine, first-class, first-rate, grand, great, groovy, heavenly, jim-dandy, keen, marvelous, mean, neat, nifty, noble, par excellence, prime, sensational, splendid, stellar, sterling, superb, superior, superlative, supernal, swell, terrific, tip-top, top, top-notch, unsurpassed, wonderful

Related Words
acceptable, adequate, all right, decent, good, OK, passable, satisfactory, tolerable; better, exceptional, fancy, high-grade, premium, special

Phrases
out of sight

Near Antonyms
bad, inferior, low-grade, substandard, unsatisfactory; mediocre, second-class, second-rate; atrocious, execrable, vile, wretched

Antonyms
poor

... but at least i included myself!

2008-12-15T23:02:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

my co-workers might kill me...

2008-12-15T22:58:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

feels like negative eight

2008-12-08T07:28:00.001-05:00

watercolors

2008-11-28T21:12:00.002-05:00

I discovered Peter Welsh when a number of his paintings were on display locally. Lovely.

gratitude

2008-11-24T23:08:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.

Cartoon blatantly stolen from Meet-shell's blog.

i heart m & h

2008-11-22T23:21:00.000-05:00

Go read them.

fun with names

2008-11-13T22:11:00.002-05:00

A meme of sorts from Lauren. First, do your own. Then go check out her blog. Incredible photos.

1. Rock star name (first pet, current car):
POOKY SCION

2. Gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe):
PEPPERMINT STICK KED

3. Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal):
PURPLE CAT

4. Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):
GREEN FRESCA

5. NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers):
ROBERT RICHARD

6. Stripper name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy):
ETERNITY MAPLE SUGAR

7. TV weather anchor name (your fifth grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter):
FULLER FARGO

8. Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower):
AUTUMN HYACINTH

9. Cartoon name (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now):
CLEMENTINE BROOMSTICK SKIRT

10. Hippie name (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree):
CINNAMON OATMEAL WEEPING WILLOW

vote tomorrow

2008-11-03T20:40:00.000-05:00

And tonight enjoy the Old, Fat, Naked Women For Peace!